Life's Short, Don't Be A
by Crazy PurpleSage
Summary: Naruto finds the perfect present for his friend. If nothing else, it certainly makes a point and leaves a clear message. One-shot. ItaNaru.


_Hello! I have a new short, one-shot for you all. Please enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: _Masashi-sensei own NARUTO

_Warnings:_ Please excuse the crude language; it was kinda necessary for the idea of this whole story.

_**Life's Short, Don't Be a ******_

"Life's Short, Don't Be a Dick."

Naruto covered his mouth with his hands as he let out an involuntary snort and closed his eyes, letting it all out. This was just too good. His chuckles started to subside with the last few belly rumbles before he caught his breath and let out a contented sigh. That just made his day. Hands down.

Looking left and right to make sure no one else in the store could see what he was looking at, he picked up the bumper sticker and held it facedown as he made his way to cashier. He snickered all the way down the aisle as he thanked his lucky stars that he had found this when he did. He had been beginning to give up hope that he would find anything in time. He had been cutting it a little late, after all. But hey, he had been too busy this past week with work and other stuff.

The man behind the counter in his issued red vest and name tag, letting all _Yondy Store_ customers know that his name was Jeff, gave him an amused grin as he punched the code into the cash register and told Naruto the price.

"Gag gift or is this for yourself?" _Jeff _asked with one raised eyebrow and an amused quirk of the lips as he sized Naruto up and down, knowing that the way the blond answered would tell all.

Naruto just smiled back and shook his head, silent laughter racking his body again as he handed over the money and took the sticker from the man, he didn't need a bag. Words did not describe what this was exactly. Well, maybe they did, but Naruto was still laughing too hard on the inside to think of them.

Getting into his car and tapping the steering wheel gingerly, as the orange blanket he had thrown over the leather interior had done little to prevent the car from heating up while he had been gone all of five minutes, Naruto flipped open his cell phone and turned on the ignition.

"I got it," he said with a smile to the person on the other end.

"Uh oh," the man on the line responded in a wary tone Naruto was more than used to hearing from the man. "I hear humour in your voice," he paused a moment and Naruto could practically see the man's eyes narrowing in contemplation of whether he should ask Naruto what he got exactly. "No, I don't want to know just yet. How far away are you?"

Naruto looked up at the sign ten meters away, even though he knew perfectly well where he was. "I'm only ten minutes from there. I'll be over in a few."

"Good. I've got the cake. The place is set; you just go and pick him up."

"Roger that!" Naruto cradled the phone between his ear and shoulder and reached behind him to snag the dark blue bag and bright orange ribbon in the back seat. Wasting little time with presentation, he stuffed the sticker in the bag, slapped the bow on, and threw the present back behind him. "I'm off to get him now. See you soon," he ended the call and threw his cell in the cup holder.

Moments later, he was driving up to the short, squat building that held Sasuke's aikido class. Of course the bastard was ready and waiting, leaning against the glass doors with his arms crossed, looking for all the world like he had never been more bored in his life. That is, until he saw Naruto's burnt orange truck pull up beside him.

"'bout time, idiot. Class ended fifteen minutes ago," Sasuke complained in his usual monotone with a slight sarcastic bite that he pulled off so well.

Naruto just grinned, more than used to his friends antics, and properly read what his friend really meant to say, 'It's good to see you Naruto.' But some things were better left unsaid.

"Maa, teme, I had a few things I had to do. Not my fault you don't want to drive down here yourself." Naruto shifted out of park and checked his mirrors to make sure he was clear to go.

"Hn," Sasuke pressed the side of his face against the window and looked out at the streets they were passing by rapidly. "I'm not risking my baby in this area. There's no real parking and anyone could steal it while I am in class." Sasuke sighed as he had been over this argument many times before and knew that Naruto actually liked picking him up. It allowed the two to actually spend some time together out of their busy schedules. Entering the real world and having to go to work really put a damper on one's social life. But, c'est la vie.

"You better take me right home this time," Sasuke sent a warning glare Naruto's way, "No quick stops to ramen bars or strip clubs. I will actually castrate you if you try that again."

Naruto winced and closed his legs a little tighter. He didn't take Sasuke's threats idly. At least not since the time they had gone skiing a few years back and their ideas of "fun" had clashed violently. Naruto's had been pushing Sasuke down the highest mountain after the bastard had been acting like an old man and taking forever in deciding which path to go down, evaluating the best course of action to take like it was some kind of business decision that needed careful planning. They were skiing –it was meant to be spontaneous and fast paced! However, Sasuke had retaliated not long after; that same night in fact. Apparently Sasuke's idea of fun involved chasing Naruto around their room with a fire torch –where he got it, Naruto still wasn't sure –and making him run screaming out into the snow at three in the morning. Not fun. Needless to say, Naruto learned his lesson.

Well, mostly.

"Don't worry, I'm taking you right home, you ass," he grumbled. Some people just didn't know how to have a good time.

"Hn," Sasuke breathed out in what was his version of a contented 'good' or 'fine', and relaxed against the back seat.

"So how's business?" Naruto relaxed back as well, no longer fearing his life now that Sasuke had put his guards down.

"Fine," Sasuke said with a shrug. "Business as usual. Where's your next meeting?"

"Miyazaki," Naruto answered and then proceeded to go into a whole explanation and play-by-play of how the next week was going to break down for him, with presentations, a bit of sightseeing, and finally some fieldwork. Sasuke nodded along, listening with half an ear for the important details and letting the rest wash over him in a familiar drone that was all Naruto. Little input from Sasuke was needed, just the way he liked it, while Naruto was free to ramble on about nothing in particular until his throat was dry. Occasionally during the half-hour drive Sasuke would call Naruto on the validity of his stories, like when he started to mix reality with fantasy and went off on how he was going to be swimming with the sharks to impress the ladies. Such off-rants served two purposes, one, for Naruto to make sure Sasuke was actually paying attention, and two, for Sasuke to keep Naruto's rants on some kind of course.

"But this is our little secret, right?" Naruto winked conspiratorially and nudged Sasuke in the arm as they pulled into Sasuke's drive and he cut the ignition. "I mean, can't have my own boyfriend knowing how big of a chick magnet I am when I'm away…"

"Only because the girls know it won't happen again," Sasuke muttered with a good-natured smirk as he slid from the passenger's side.

Naruto laughed in response, going along with his own joke. "Don't want to ruin a good thing, I know. It's hard to beat perfection a second time," Naruto proclaimed, thumping a strong fist to his chest to emphasize his striking manliness.

"Whatever, dobe." Sasuke rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he spun around on one foot, away from the big dope making his presence known to the whole neighbourhood with his loud voice. "And where do you think you're going?" He gestured to Naruto locking the truck behind him. "I didn't invite you in." Sasuke made a shooing motion with one hand. "Go pick off someone else's food supply. Like my brother's."

Naruto ignored him as he slipped a hand through the open window in the back of his truck and pulled out the present.

"You're a real bastard, you know that?" He hid the gift behind his back and proceeded to follow Sasuke up the steps, quick to catch up lest the jerk try to slam the door in his face. "You think I'm going to leave you alone on your birthday? Think again."

Sasuke's head whipped around in surprise just as his hand was turning the door knob. "Wow, and here I thought you had forgotten," he drawled with a half-pleased, half-irritated smirk.

Seconds later, before Naruto even had time to respond Sasuke opened the door and was instantly bombarded with loud sounds and colour.

"Surprise!"

Two heads, a blonde and a pink one, sprung forward to accompany two high-pitched voices in the celebratory call.

"Happy Birthday Sasuke!"

Sasuke blinked and Naruto snorted behind the back of his hand as he surveyed the scene. Streamers were flying, a banner was up, and the cake was placed ceremoniously on the middle of the clothed table, next to an exceptional stack of presents.

"You didn't," Sasuke deadpanned, knowing exactly who to turn to as he made his accusation.

Naruto smiled, shrugged, and then reached back to scratch the side of his neck when Sasuke's glare didn't seem to be going away any time soon.

"Fine." Naruto deflated with a sigh. "Of course I did. You're my best friend and despite saying you don't like parties, I will not see this day go by without some kind of celebration. So deal with it." He shook a finger in his friend's face and gave him a look that dared him to say something about it.

Sasuke blinked again, his bottom lip being sucked in an odd way between his teeth, making him look like he was sucking a lemon or some other kind of sour food.

"And to start it all off, and to make sure you really appreciate all the effort your friends –mainly me –" there were twin, distinct female coughs of outrage at that statement, but he let it slide and continued on, "Have put into making this day special for you, I want you to open our present first." He thrust the bag into Sasuke's face with an Uzumaki glare of his own. "Happy Birthday, asshole."

Sasuke tried to stare him down once again, knowing it was a futile effort against the one non-relative who was immune to such things. Giving up, he took the present, sparing a glance around the room to see several curious eyes straining to look at what it was, and reached inside.

Naruto couldn't help but let a smile escape as he looked down at the infamous sticker, in Sasuke's hands, once again. He chuckled lowly as the seconds ticked by and Sasuke was still staring at the blaring black ink like he was trying to figure out what it was.

"You have got to be kidding," Sasuke finally said; one eyebrow raised in what Naruto could see to be slight amusement and a curious tilt of the lips in what Naruto was sure was a smile threatening to break through. "I am not putting this on my baby; you're an idiot." With that, he shoved the thing back in the bag, dropped it on a side table in the foyer, and walked into the party.

"Are you kidding me bastard, I spent a long time picking that out for you? Of course you're putting it on your car or I'll have to do it for you!" He knew that it probably wasn't a good idea to shout out his plans to the bastard, especially when they concerned such things as his precious car. But Naruto knew Sasuke wasn't really listening anyway anymore and had actually taken the message, somewhat, to heart as he was now greeting the guests and being the good Uchiha host he was bred to be.

"I knew I didn't want to know."

Naruto looked up to see his partner coming over to greet him. Naruto smiled at the man and the moment the other was within reach, stretched his neck up to meet him in a kiss, pressing a smile into the soft, inviting lips.

"Told you he would like it," Naruto leaned back as Itachi snaked an arm around his waist. "Just goes to show you that I, as his best friend, know your brother better than you," he stated with a look of all-knowing superiority, negated only by the small pout on his lips that begged one to differ.

"I'd say you just know how to push his buttons in different, and dare I say non-conventionally interesting, ways than I do," Itachi admitted to a middle ground and leaned in for another kiss with an amused smile.  
"So," he continued, being the one to pull back this time. "Do I get to see what _'we' _got him?"

Naruto nodded and grinned excitedly. He reached over Itachi's hold and grabbed the gift. "It's so awesome!" He said as he placed the perfect gift in Itachi's hands. "I know he loved it." Naruto nodded deliberately with a smug look. It had been written all over Sasuke's face, the subtle hints that spoke of amusement and exasperation at his best friend's 'wonderful' taste in picking out presents for others.

Unlike his little brother, Itachi was more than willing to allow a good hearty chuckle loose once in awhile, when appropriate. And that's exactly what he did.

"This is going right on the back window."

終わり

_This started out as a result of a conversation with my brother as we were driving one day. From seeing one inappropriate bumper sticker turned into a whole discussion on other inappropriate ones we've seen. My favourite so far, "Mean People Suck". *chuckles* It's true. Anyway, this story bloomed a few weeks later as I tried to finish a paper for class that day –academic writer's block I think is personally a lot worse than regular, because an actual grade is riding on you not thinking of anything to say. But maybe that's just me. _

_Good news, I did end up finishing the paper in time! And I was able to finish this by the end of the same day. So I hope you enjoyed the fruits of my procrastination. Let me know what you think, I love reviews and especially the reviewers themselves. ;) _

_Cheers! _


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